The Shunned Nectar of the Gods

On cold winter days such as these, I glance around the streets of St Andrews and one question lurks in my mind: are there any fellow hot chocolate lovers in disguise, their sweet libation hidden in a nondescript coffee cup? The classic hot chocolate is a sure staple of any good day, as both a sweet treat and casual drink. Yet I fear it is not getting the love it deserves. It has been steadily overshadowed by the loud and uproarious coffee community who insist that their murky ‘cup of joe’ is more than a mere drink, rather a way of life. But before hot chocolate throws in the towel, I’m here to wipe its brow, rub its shoulders and toss it back in the ring for one last fight. A fight I know it's going to win. 

Hot chocolate’s potential for mass appeal is already evident. Unlike coffee, no one is saying “I used to hate hot chocolate as a kid but then I grew up” because this drink does not take getting used to — it's upfront about what it is and comforting in its effect. As for variety, it is blatantly obvious coffee is jealous of the range hot chocolate has to offer. Ask an Italian to make you this drink and you will receive a steaming cauldron of thick umber goodness; ask a Columbian and they’ll ask you how much cheese you want; ask a weirdo and they’ll reply “do you want milk or water?”. Every individual has their preferences, informed by their upbringing and familial traditions, which make the hot chocolate that little bit more warm and consoling to the soul. Even the humblest of hot chocolate powders can be spiced up at home! All this is only describing the hot chocolate itself. Marshmallow, whipped cream, little baked goods on the side — the accoutrements of this drink are far superior. What fool wouldn’t enjoy an extra little treat on the side or the top? And on the other hand, if you feel that's too much sweetness, the world of hot cocoa welcomes you with open arms. Ultimately, the variety of hot chocolate is severely underlooked and I demand that we pay more attention to the effort that hot chocolate puts into its presentation and taste profile. 

Moreover, we can agree that the hot chocolate community is a quiet, unproblematic, self-contained group (I am the exception which proves the rule, in this case).The same cannot be said for the coffee community. Big Coffee has gone too far and spread their pro-joe agenda like wildfire / cast like a Molotov cocktail. Yet, they are their own downfall because their PR campaign relies on pestiferous people who talk about how they can’t function without their caffeinated bean juice. As they whine “Don’t talk to me before I’ve had my morning coffee!” I shake my head with disdain. I don’t think I’ll be speaking to you at all with the irritating tone with which you uttered that phrase. And for someone to not be talked to, you are being awfully loud right now. 

I’m willing to accept that every community has their own subset of irritating, grating voices, but it’s truly a shame that the coffee likers are stuck with such a loud bunch of nuisances. In contrast, hot chocolate is a passion, not a lifestyle. We will order our hot chocolate, drink it in solitude, and that’s that. My anti-coffee stance has been forged from the sheer amount of disbelieving expressions that come when I sheepishly tell people that I don’t drink coffee. But I shan’t be shamed for it one moment more! Why must I be ashamed to enjoy my sweet concoction over a bitter brew that has somehow made everyone believe that it's the more mature drink? 

What was once a beverage originated and worshipped by the Mayans has now spread all over the world, with its prestige and sheer brilliance being steadily forgotten. So I ask that the next time you stand in a cafe, you at least consider the hot chocolate which is waiting to comfort you with open arms. And if you don’t, I will gladly sip mine, nibble on my accompanying marshmallow, and sigh with the knowledge that this drink is one of the greatest inventions known to Man.

Illustration from Wikimedia Commons