Stop Tutorial Bullsh*tters

We all know they didn't do the readings

At a glance, higher education seems most idyllic when the sun is shining and someone in the group chat has texted ‘pub?’ However, there are moments in the nitty gritty of university life that grant a similar level of joy, if you like what you do. When everyone in the tutorial is on the same page and making good contributions, I must nerdily confess that I get excited. But what is one to do when the seminar flow state is interrupted by arrogance and incompetence? Today I will be discussing the figure of the classic bullsh*tter. Reader, it behooves me not to use such language, and I promise I shall only use it twice. Yet, you must also believe that this term is the truest and most appropriate to describe that twisted mind which goes out of their way to speak up in a seminar when it is immediately clear that they have no idea what they are talking about. 

Let’s set the scene. Random seminar. Maybe you’ve done the reading and you’re feeling ready to speak up; maybe you haven’t done the reading and are planning on being silent. Both are good, rational options. Yet, there is some sicko amongst us who completely defies natural order by not doing the reading while also feeling ready to speak up. Do they enjoy the thrill of looking dumb? Do they get off on ruining everyone else’s seminar experience? What could inspire someone to voluntarily raise their hand and speak nonsense beyond human comprehension? I realise that in this article I am asking more questions than ever before, but this is only because I stand in complete confusion as to why someone would go out of their way to establish themselves as an idiot. 

I am not referring to people who get called on out of the blue and answer as best they can. I am not referring to people who are honest about not doing the work and go from there. I am instead referring to the people who attempt to play off their ignorance with the most infuriating false bravado. This buffoon speaks their Simlish and then smiles confidently at the room, as if we didn’t all just witness that verbal diarrhoea. And if you read this article and scoff, thinking ‘I mean, I bullshit all the time and no one can tell,’ I advise you to take off your clown makeup and face the truth. You are bad at pretending to know things; we just don’t have the heart to tell you. And this cowardice changes today. Today, I endeavour to expose this festering villainy to the world. 

However, this also raises an interesting consideration regarding those who have done the work. Do you not have a responsibility to face this devil head-on? When they go on their ballad of balderdash, you should retort with a tune of truth. You worked hard to get here and have consistently continued that work — so be proud of yourself. This ignoramus may strut about unweighed by basic human feelings of shame and embarrassment, so why do you not grant yourself the same when you have the knowledge to back it up? 

If you haven’t realised already, I am not a writer for the nonchalant. I stand with the passionate and will continue to do so until I perish. Thus, my question stands: if you can’t be honest about your ignorance at a place where the goal is to gain knowledge, then what do you plan on doing? If Timothée Chalamet could confess, ‘I know nothing, Oliver,’ to a cannibal, then you should have no problem telling your tutor that you do not know the answer to their question. Do the right thing and shut up, for our sake as well as your own. I cannot overstate how dumb you make yourself look in this misguided pursuit to appear smart.

Illustration from Wikimedia Commons