Sunday I'm in Love: Raisin Special

Sunday League matches on Raisin Sunday. Until now, unheard of … but oh, what a delicious prospect. 

Fresh from East Sands, a group of Minions stumble towards the Athletic Union (AU). Gru, not far behind, straps on his keeping gloves and hauls his DLL shirt over that famous nose. 

They’re met on the road by Austin Powers, the side’s captain, who’s flanked by two nuns he’s roped in as ringers.

Whistle goes, and they’re off. 

Within five minutes, DLL are ahead thanks to a low half-volley from Long John Silver on his weaker foot. 

The game tenses up and starts to get messy. 

The Strokers’ striker, dressed as a referee, and the referee, dressed as Elvis — it’s pandemonium. The half-time whistle sounds and both teams retreat for ‘refreshments’. 

A bus driver for DLL — eager to flood forward despite being 1-0 up — doubles the lead with a glancing header. Full time, 2-0. 

Alas… what could have been. At 9:01am that Sunday morning, the AU alerted captains to the ‘frozen pitches’ and postponement of all matches. With half the University having survived a dip in the North Sea a few hours earlier, perhaps this excuse was instead a moment of lucid prudence from the AU. Game’s gone. 

On that note, there’s been a mid-semester shake-up of the composition of the leagues. The top three from ‘Macron B League’ have been promoted, the bottom three from ‘Macron A League’ relegated, and the top two from the C League also added to division one. Apparently, the FA and SPFL are trialling this mid-season shuffling format here before implementing it in the top flights.

Graphic by Luana van Oranje