I Hate Modern Young Love. Most Ardently.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that young love is not what it used to be. I’m not saying that I wish to be courted in my pristine pink silks as I sit poised upon a sofa hearing about such “excellent boiled potatoes,” nor do I wish to find a husband by subjecting my dancing, singing, or drawing skills to public scrutiny (because I ain’t doing allat). 

But you know what? A post-confession kiss in the rain might be nice, especially given that we have a meteorological advantage on that front. Hell, I might be getting ahead of myself, but what if a girl received a pining side glance every once in a while? 

While the freakishly strict Elizabeth-and-Darcy style of love might seem absurd to us now, I’d actually say that the rigidity of courtship is resemblant of the young love that we experience nowadays. The formulaic approach that comes with ‘step 1: practice attractive accomplishments, step 2: attend various balls, and step 3: gain the attention of a wealthy suitor’ is shockingly similar in structure to the modern ‘step 1: ask for her Snap, step 2: start the talking stage, and step 3: commence dating.’

The multitude of recently developed terms used to categorise young love are overwhelming and extensive too, the spread of which is only further catalysed by social media. I mean, have you ever heard of a soft-launch? A two-man? Being left on read or delivered? Or even worse — being ghosted? 

There’s a number of digitised social laws to which young love must now conform: you’re required to wait X number of minutes before responding to a Snap, you must never develop feelings in a ‘friends with benefits’ situation, and heaven forbid you find yourself in a situationship! Just try explaining the complex difference between talking and dating to your parents; it’s a nightmare. 

When an individual shares their life online, they aim to come across as though they have their life in control. If they do so, these terms can be a big help, making the person in question feel as though they know exactly what feelings they’re experiencing. Their viewers, in change, perceive some kind of ‘relationship utopia’ in which feelings — which are never simple — seem straightforward. From there, the terms find their way into society and develop into a fully-fledged, miserable norm. 

While I understand the desire to simplify the complicated feelings that come with romantic attraction, love should never be formulaic. After all, are you seriously going to be asking a girl for her Snap at 22? 

Although we often criticise the love lives of the eighteenth-nineteenth century English gentry, the pendulum is swinging back in their direction — and the romantic in me can’t help but want it to stop. Because soon enough, we will have killed a whimsical, go-with-the-flow sort of young love, that sort of ‘romantic bliss’ that our parents felt in their twenties. 

Despite what your ‘For You page’ might say, conforming to the public standard of a relationship can be rather suffocating. We should be able to feel freely, have fun with one another, and live our lives without a care for what the online public may think — and what better place to lose yourself than in young love? 

Illustration by Walker Fenrich