Computer Problems Lament

Why the death of the laptop is worse than losing your phone

As an anonymous wise person once said: “You truly do not know what you’ve got until it is gone.” And when a laptop goes, it takes much more with it than you could have ever anticipated. My computer broke last year, and it took my sanity. Today I ask, where is the empathy for the technologically illiterate and how does one cope with the loss of a constant presence? I seek to advocate for those with computer problems, the underspoken nuisance, especially at university. If this article finds you at the right (but also deeply upsetting) time in your life, then please know that I empathise with you and am hoping to wipe your tears with these words. 

Let’s start with my lack of credentials. I knew I was never going to be a tech person when I made my older brother download Rollercoaster Tycoon for me on the family computer at nine years old. From a very young age, I was very comfortable outsourcing the technological load to someone older and wiser. Regrettably, this habit has continued well into my twenties. When I could not move my computer’s mouse, I called my brother in tears, the camera of the FaceTime wobbling from my heaving sobs. When he told me that I had accidentally turned the mouse off, I sobbed even more for looking like an idiot. I will not be disclosing when this call happened, so please do not ask. 

At a place where technology is so vital to being on top of things, any crumbling of that stability is cause for panic. When my computer well and truly broke, I sat in PC Currys, whimpering away to the tech assistant attempting to help me, because I could not fathom a world in which I could conquer university without my laptop. Would I be the loser pulling up my seminar prep on my phone, appearing like an apathetic student? Would I be the bum with a Euphoria backpack, carrying nothing but two blunt pencils and a notepad? I was talking to a coworker about this dilemma recently, and a customer kindly chimed in and said, “Guess you’ll have to get used to using pen and paper again, huh?” Old man, please butt out. While I am having this conversation very publicly in front of you, that is by no means an invitation to join with such condescension. Pray tell, how will I hand my essay in on MMS via pen and paper? We are living in a modern era and we need to think with such modernity, which places technology at the forefront of our world. 

For those of you whose favourite biome is the Apple ecosystem, then I believe that this is less of an issue for you. You simply whack out the iPad with the stylus and keyboard, the ultimate computer and phone hybrid. Your Pinterest and YouTube time is not compromised at all and truthfully, there are times that I envy you. But for those of us who lack these resources, we are left to our own devices. Or rather, lack thereof. 

If you don’t understand how a computer works, I scratch my head with you. If you call your tech support person — family, friend, or lover — at the slightest moment of lag, I’m right there, picking up the phone with you. I know I expect too much from this petite, mildly dirty screen, and exhausted fan brrr-ing away as I type this article. But as much as I acknowledge this fatal flaw of mine, I fear you simply will not catch me watching a YouTube tutorial on how laptops work. This is because mine works pretty well 99% of the time, and I consider that rare 1% a divine reminder to not take my technology for granted. Finally, I apologise to any computer science students who I am sure have abandoned this article, for my stupidity was too much to bear. It upsets me, too.

Illustration by Eve Fishman