Saints and Psychedelics

All names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of interviewees. This article is not an opinion piece, and the author does not endorse or denounce the use of psychedelic drugs. 

“I thought I was on Noah’s Ark,” said Sam Smith, describing his experience taking psilocin, also known as magic mushrooms or shrooms. “I was lying down in my friend's flat, and I could hear the dishwasher. I felt like it was the sea. It was bliss.”

While travelling in Asia, Marie Madow described finding herself arguing with boys she had met over music. “I was severely bored when I found myself doing shrooms with these two boys.” She thought, “If you don’t like my music, then we are going to create a song that you like.” She called one of the boys’ friends, and the pair spent the next hour creating a song. “I gave him notes and sang out loud. He would play them on the piano and create vocal harmonies and riffs. We put together a 30-minute tune.” 

Attitudes about psychedelic use are shifting here in St Andrews. While heavily stigmatised in our parents’ generation, magic mushrooms and psychedelics as a whole are undergoing what many are calling the ‘psychedelic renaissance.’  

“When I was younger, I thought drugs were for really f***ed up people,” Seline Sparks recalled. Madow also recalled that while she thought of psychedelics as the “lesser of the evils,” she still considered them incredibly dangerous. 

Both Sparks’s and Madow’s views of psychedelic drug use have completely shifted. Sparks reflected on how strange it was to realise she was now one of the “drug-using delinquents” she had grown up judging. “Drugs have helped me a lot. I was very uptight when I was younger. Drugs taught me how to have fun, and now, without drugs, I can still have fun.”

For many, such as Madow, psychedelics have been a tool. “They greatly enhance my ability to make sense of all of my thoughts and feelings,” she explained. “It feels like the part of my brain which stores and organises memories and feelings has been enhanced.” 

Smith said using psychedelics allowed him to be comfortable in his body. He found that after using psychedelics, things that used to bother him became things he embraced. When asked if these effects have lasted, Smith replied, “100%.” 

John Doe described how taking mushrooms made him realise the extent to which what he puts into his body affects his reality. While tripping on mushrooms, Doe recalled being dehydrated and feeling as if the colours around him were dull and “draining of their life.” 

“I found a bottle of electrolytes, I downed it, and in real time, I watched the blue LED lights around me become more vibrant and prettier,” Doe said. “I realised how hydrated I am, how nourished I am, how balanced I am, affects my external output.”

Madow and Sparks found that using psychedelics has helped them discover new parts of themselves. Before using psychedelics, Sparks described herself as a very STEM-minded person, interested in learning about science and math. Using psychedelics didn’t change her interests — instead, it expanded the scope of what she found interesting. “I think that seeing my subjective experience and my experience of reality so saturated made me a lot more emotionally aware or emotionally interested in people and how they think,” she explained. I can connect more with people, I’m less judgmental of people.”

While on LSD, Madow felt she discovered her purpose in life. “While I was dancing, I was thinking about all the things that I loved. I kept asking myself, ‘What do I love in life? What do I get out of this? What brings me joy?’” She looked around and realised, this was it — people. “By extension of people, it was languages. I realised that is my calling,” Madow said. “Because I love people so much, and because I'm a social creature, languages are how I access that and how I tap into that.” 

Madow’s and Spark’s experiences of self-discovery while on psychedelics are corroborated by the National Institutes of Health. Their research found psychedelics increase connectivity between different regions of the brain. These new connections disrupt old patterns and habits, leading to the ability to understand and appreciate new points of view and ideas. 

For some, this degree of thinking poses a serious risk. “Psychedelics are thought enhancers or feeling enhancers,” Maddow said. If someone is not ready for how much it can make them think or how much it can expand their worldview, then it can really overwhelm them.” 

All the interviewees stressed the importance of the context in which a person uses psychedelics. Sparks described her first time using psychedelics as the worst trip of her life. She was sixteen, in a forest in the middle of a storm. “I think any kind of drug is still very dangerous, especially when you are younger. I think that’s why I would really advocate for legalisation or control, because it can be really dangerous,” she said.

“No matter what your external environment is, you have to pay mind to your internal environment,” said Doe. “There are people [who] are not comfortable relaxing back into themselves; they're not comfortable surrendering, even to themselves. They cannot sit in a room by themselves and reflect on who they are, they can't meditate,” he explained. I wouldn't recommend they do anything psychedelic because the most important thing is to surrender. If you're fighting against yourself, that can create conflict.”

The one constant factor throughout Madow’s experiences with psychedelics was that she was always in a “really stable place,” she explained. “I was ready for something new, I wanted something to change.” 

While Madow’s interest in psychedelics stemmed from a desire for something to change, Tim Evans became interested in psychedelics because of its connections to math and art. “When mathematicians talk about higher-dimensional figures in maths, they say these things are just like theoretical things. When I took DMT, I experienced them,” Evans said. DMT or ‘the spirit molecule’” is a psychedelic that induces short-lived but intense kaleidoscope visuals and geometric patterns. Many users also describe communicating with “entities.” 

“When it comes to DMT, the phenomenology is just so otherworldly. You see these crazy geometrical figures, geometrical figures that seem to be the same figures found in high-dimensional geometry. They also seem to be the same figures that you see in most religious art forms: mosques, temples.” Evans described these figures as “fractals.”

“Artists and spiritual seekers have been seeing a cosmic template of the geometry of the world beyond the physical,” he explained.“DMT gives you direct access to what [it]feels like to see the vibrational templates of reality beyond appearances.” 

While every interviewee had a unique experience with psychedelic drugs, they all agreed that it had deeply shifted their worldviews. Many of them also stressed the importance of letting go. As Madow said, “Be open to every thought that you have and every feeling because it can be so beautiful.”  

Illustration by Maya Mason